I used to be a great individual. I also do everything in my ability, and would always put others before myself. I volunteered to do the bulk of the work for jobs. Should they inconvenienced someone else I backed down out of my requests. And my own time has been spent giving, giving and giving. The final result, however, wasn’t what I had expected it would be. Because I wasn’t caring for myself, I felt tired and moody. People started to hope I’d do everything for them as I volunteered to do more and more. As my fantasies had been placed to the back burner I became so resentful, and that I craved validation and the attention that I was unable to give myself.
We would like to be selfless, but we diminish our capacity in neglecting our own needs. In the report, “The Way Selflessness Makes Us Selfish,”released about the Counseling Blog, the author states that when we don’t satisfy our own demands, we start to find them from external sources, leading to behaviour that appears selfish. If we want to be kind and giving, then we actually need to be a little LESS “nice.” Here are some things that Occur when you are too Fine:
- People will expect that of you, if you’re constantly giving.
In the guide, “5 Ways Being Fine Can Become Unwanted,” published on The Power of Positivity, the author states that if you don’t put boundaries, you will be regarded as a doormat and taken advantage of. Valuing yourself, so making certain your needs are satisfied, and establishing limits doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t have sympathy for those around you. It ensures that your requirements are essential. I thought that individuals want me and see me as more valuable if I gave as much as I could. I found that people appreciated it less. We will be valued by those around us as much as we value ourselves. People began to notice and appreciate my gifts, as I started to set limits and request help once I wanted it.
- You will develop expectations of the others.
According to the Power of Positivity, when you are being too good to others, you create expectations for them to do the same. When they don’t fulfill these expectations, then you might become resentful and angry.
I have seen this in my own life. I would go above and beyond for almost any of my friends, and that I took it personally when they were not eager to do the exact same. What I did not understand was that it was my responsibility to do the same, and that they took care of their demands. People might come to you when they need something. The Power of Positivity states that when you are just too good for people, you will be only seen by them . Individuals will only come to you if they believe you can help them out, either as they are seeing you as a tool to help them fulfill their goals. If you do not put boundaries to sip it as soon as it starts this pattern can spiral out of control.
This pattern was seen by me beginning in my life, and it became overwhelming. Having the ability to quietly say “no,” without providing too many motives or arguing it, was key. At times I would offer to help the person get himself organized so they might help themself, or I’d refer them to resources and others.
- You will forget about being kind to yourself.
According to the Power of Positivity, when you’re busy taking care of everybody else, then you may forget to be kind to your self. This can lead to your needs not being fulfilled, and spiral into burn-out and depression.
I discovered my over-giving diverted me from the origins of distress and distress that have been in myself. I sought validation externally, and I did not believe I had any value out of different people’s opinions. As soon as I backed out on the constant lending, I managed to devote some time learning to rely on myself to get validation and looking inside. In the long run, this allowed me to be more kind and learning.